Thursday morning, Thanksgiving Day. TCM is running a Charlie Chaplin marathon, and City Lights is currently on. I'm a sucker for Charles so I lay on the sofa, coffee mug in hand, and though it's 7am and I didn't get in last night until just after 1, I'm surprisingly awake. Chaplin will do that to me.

"Sophia!" I yell out. In moments I hear the jingle-jangle of her collar as she trots down the hall from the bedroom. She stops in front of me, her curly-Q tail wagging frantically.

"Whatcha up to, ugly dog?" I ask. "You ready to do your business?" I point at the front door and she immediately understands it's time to go water the lawn, so to speak. She heads for the door and waits as I fish around for her leash. I can't let her outside off-leash because she'll either run for the hills or go find the closest dog to bother. She's a Sharpei, it's in her nature. Interesting thing about the breed, they were originally bred by the ruling dynasties of China to guard the imperial city and rid the place of ferral cats. I keep house with a cat killer.

Sophia finishes up and we come back inside where she assumes her position beside me on the floor. I don't let her on the sofa. Hers is a strong-willed breed who needs to have a consistent alpha presence as part of the daily routine or they will look to take over. The smarter breeds of dog are like that. The good news is any time you want to challenge authority, a Sharpei is a perfect fit.

Chaplin plays out on TV but I've seen City Lights at least four times before so my interest is waning. I put down the mug and reach for the stack of papers on the table containing the subpoena I was served with yesterday. At least they got me at home and didn't try to serve me at the office. What a great early Thanksgiving gift that would have been.

I'm not being sued or charged as an accessory after the fact. I'm just a witness, there to provide some background and bolster the prosecution's charges. I can't say much as there is a gag order in effect, but I can tell you the details that are public knowledge and on file under State of Delaware vs. MacKenzie. Here's the nuts and bolts: There's an online site where people gather to chat about various things and basically waste away the day. Now imagine I am one of the throngs of people on this site and for whatever reason somebody started messaging me. A lot. And most of the messages were uninvited, pertaining to blogs and personal experiences I had written about. Now imagine the messages come more often, and start to take on a hateful tone. Now imagine the messages escalating into personal threats. And when you've had your fill of that, imagine the sender of messages somehow finding information you never gave to the website when you first registered - phone numbers, home and work addresses - and using those avenues to contact you.

Not exactly my idea of a good time. And this was done to a greater extent to two other guys who live in Delaware. They brought about the case with the help of the state District Attorney's office. One last thing I should mention: Imagine the defendant is a woman. In this age of equality, it turns out women are allowed to be just as psychotic as men. So now the defendent is charged with a variety of things, and I'm being dragged along in tow. At some point the Delaware D.A will send an associate to meet with me and take a deposition, answering questions and providing details. I just hope this case never sees a courtroom. I really don't want to go to Delaware. I could go my entire life without setting foot in our nation's first state.

I'd like to sit around all day watching Chaplin and doing nothing, but I am eating Thanksgiving dinner with the family and have to drive to my brother's house in Santa Barbara where we are gathering. The ugly dog isn't going; I'm sending her to my friend Michelle to watch. Michelle isn't going anywhere for the weekend, not that she could. Her family consists solely of a married sister living in Texas. A month after graduation, while Michelle was in Europe with her then-boyfriend, her parents were killed when their car was struck on the freeway at 80mph by a drunk driver. I had to phone Michelle in Versailles and deliver the news. It was the hardest phone call I have ever had to make. I remember wanting somebody else - anybody else - to give Michelle the news. I'd never felt so cowardly. I hope you never find yourself in a situation where you have to make a phone call like that to bring somebody home amid tragedy.

I started getting the dog's things together and she realized right away that something was afoot, and started following me around. "Get outta my way shadow!" I yelled at her as I picked up her water dish and emptied it in the sink. I continued preparing her stuff while telling her that she needed to behave while at Michelle's place. "Don't pee on anything, that's a given, Sophia. Just lounge about and sleep. Do that thing you do where you sleep for 17 hours out of the day," I said as I went from spot to spot gathering toys, dishes, and her muzzle in succession. "If you behave maybe Michelle will take you for a walk. Would you like that?" Sophia cocked her head and gave me that look they give you when people think dogs understand what's being said to them.

I finished gathering the last of her stuff and announced "all ugly dogs clear out!" as I pointed at the door. Responding with a huff, Sophia made her way to the front door and sat patiently as I fastened her collar. "Are you gonna be a good girl for Michelle while I'm gone?" I asked. She responded with a big wet slurp across my face. She's the only girl who can get away with doing that to me.

The drive to Michelle's was quick in the light holiday traffic. Why can't all days have this kind of commute? I pulled up in the driveway and gave a quick honk as I parked. The dog recognized Michelle's place right away and started whimpering.

"Calm down, she's inside. She ain't going anywhere." I got the dog out and marched up to the apartment. She answered the door after a combo of knocks and doorbell rings.

"Jesus, what time is it?"

"8:30. It's not that early, Michi."

"You said you'd be here at nine."

"No, I said I'd be here BY nine. 8:30 falls under that umbrella." I let Sophia off her leash and she trotted inside to sniff around the place.

"I didn't catch you in the middle of something - or someone - did I?"

"Ha ha, no you didn't. And no wiseass comments if you please."

"Thanks again for offering to watch her. You're one of the few she likes."

"No prob, I like her too. Besides, it's not like I'm going anywhere."

"Yeah, well next year maybe we can trade places and you can go in my place to Thanksgiving dinner with my family and I'll stay home."

"Is there something wrong with your family?"

"There's something wrong with every family. It's engrained in the fabric of their being. Families gatherings are one of the few instances where you can be simultaneously proud and embarrassed."

She laughed as she rubbed Sophia's ears. "Maybe tonight I'll get the chance to spend some time with Chuck after he's through having his holiday dinner with his parents." Chuck was the police officer Michelle had met at the start of November. Apparently they'd gone out three or four times. Apparently things were going well.

"How come he isn't bringing you along for Thanksgiving?"

"I don't think he's ready to introduce me to his folks and have that added pressure heaped upon him."

"Yeah," I responded. I understand where he was coming from. I wasn't fond of introducing girlfriends to my parents either.

"Oh well, even if I don't see Chuck tonight, there's still the weekend, and there's plenty of football on today for us to watch, right Sophia?" She raised her voice really high when she said the dog's name, causing Sophia to bark loudly in response. They were two of a kind. If something ever happened to me I'd give the dog to Michelle.

I unloaded the dog's things and said my goodbyes. I'd be back Saturday to pick her up and take Michelle out to dinner as a thank you for watching the mutt. But the next two hours would be just me and the 101 freeway, ready to lead me to Santa Barbara and my awaiting family.