The hole was large, the damage sizeable. It was a looming void, enveloped by darkness and plunging far beyond what the naked eye could see. The walls appeared corroded and damaged, the charred remains of a battle lost. Rugged wrinkles ran haphazardly across the face of the walls like veins, emerging from the darkness in some corners and trailing off into others.

The rescue party threw its line into the darkness, listening intently for a “thud” of rope against the cavern floor. No sound echoed back. Undeterred, they assembled their lights atop their hardhats and carefully lowered themselves into the void, uncertain of what they would find, if anything.

Their lights shone upon the blackened and scarred walls. It had been a great struggle, they surmised. Where there once had been something of substance - something promising - there was now a barren waste. Once these walls were bound by words like charismatic, optimistic, and happy. Now they had been replaced, pushed aside in favor of such words as hesitant, broken, and defeated.

One worker touched down on a ledge, somewhere in the midsection of the cavern. His feet felt around the burred edges of the crevice. More lights were set up, revealing the extent of the scoring on the walls, and the vast waste of the cavern. It would take work, it would take a dedicated and loving hand. Already some had tried, yet failed. This time would have to be different.
___________________________________________________________________________________

Somewhere around 11am. “Pick up the phone, Reed. I know you’re there. No? I’m going to keep calling back until you pick up, goddamit. This isn’t normal!”

Closer to noon. “Look, I know you’re not in the mood to talk to anybody, but I’m your friend. Jesus, I just want to know how you’re holding up, is that so wrong? Call me, I’ll have my cell. I’ve got an audition at one-thirtyish, but I’ll check in afterward. Seriously, call me.”

In the three o'clock hour. “I know you are there, you haven’t left your apartment in over a week. Pick up the fucking phone. C’mon man, this is serious!”

I looked at the message machine as it blinked “9” over and over. Devin continued screaming into the speaker as I sat there. I finally reached over and clicked on the phone, answering with a single word.

“Devin.”

“Holy shit Reed, why don’t you pick up a goddamn phone? We’re worried. I’m worried. It’s not healthy to stay cooped up in your place like that. You’ve gotta move on, get back to the land of the living.”

No response.

“Look, nobody expects you to spring right back, but you can do little things each day. Take baby steps, you know dude?”

Silence from my end. I dropped the scotch glass to the carpet. I’d been holding the empty glass for the past hour or so.

“For God sake Reed, it’s a difficult thing to go through, but you have the support of everybody who was there at the funeral. I know, I was there with you. I know what you’re going through.”

I sat up. “You were there with me? You were there that week he was slipping away, you were there when he died in the next room and was carted off by medics? You were there when he sentenced me to live his life and give up mine and everything I've wanted?”

Devin cleared his throat, coughing. “No, I wasn’t. What I meant was...”

“That’s right, you weren’t,” I interrupted, “so don’t tell me you know how I feel inside. Just shut up. Shut the fuck up.” I picked up the glass and went into the kitchen, my eyes zeroing in on the half-emptied bottle of Johnnie Walker Red.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. But I want you to know it doesn’t have to be that way. Get out of the house, take your mind off things. You know, I saw your billboard today, the one you worked on in Toronto. It’s on the 405 freeway, somewhere in Carson. The ad that reads ‘find your flavor’ and has the different colored bottles.”

I briefly thought about Toronto and how far in the past it seemed. “Do you have anything constructive to say, because if not I’m hanging up.”

“Wait, don’t! Let me take you out and get your mind off things. We can go to Liquid Kitty and have those huge martinis they serve. All on me.”

“You don’t have money, Devin. You’re an actor.”

He laughed. “Not this time. The Burger King stuff has been pretty good, I’ve got five commercials with them under my belt. And I’ve been in a quicksilver commercial too, so the money’s been a constant for the past three months.”

Silence.

“Liquid Kitty not high class enough for you? Fine, we can go to the Grand Havana Room. My buddy is a member and can get us guest passes. Think about it, relaxing with a scotch and a fine cigar on leather high-back chairs with butler service and the whole nine! What do you think?”

“I’m hanging up now, Devin.” CLICK.
__________________________________________________________________________________

The second party entered, more ambitious and armed with the tools of their failed predecessors. One by one they lowered themselves into the cavern, cautiously spelunking from the walls as they made their descent. This new group continued downward, plunging further into the darkness, far beyond what previous parties had attempted. The slope of the depths was slippery, and their footing uncertain.

One felt the bottom beneath her foot and touched down, setting up a light on the floor of the cavern. She calculated the depths, made the adjustments. This was deeper than she had anticipated. Bringing daylight to these levels would be a demanding challenge. The worker would have to persevere.
___________________________________________________________________________________

Buzz! Buzz!

The din filled the deadened room with noise, the sound bouncing off the walls and reverberating, slow to die. Somewhere a dog barked, the first sounds the animal had made in nearly a week.

Buzz! Buzz!

The noise repeated, demanding entry. The visitor outside at the complex entry gate was not going away.

I remained seated in my chair and leaned over to touch the intercom button. I didn’t say anything. I let the white noise on the other side inform the visitor somebody was there.

“Reed? Reed? Say something.” It was Michelle. I’d last seen here a week ago at my father’s funeral. She didn’t say anything the whole time, just hugged me a lot and held my hand for the entire service.

“Reed?” she repeated. “Buzz me in, I need to check on you. I need to see how you are doing.” I clicked down on the intercom to respond, and as I did the dog recognized Michelle’s voice and begin barking, then whining. I lifted my finger off the intercom button.

“Sophia recognizes me. She knows I’m here for a good reason. Now let me in. Please.”

Buzz! Unlock.

A few moments later she was banging on my door. “Let me in. Come on.”

I unlocked the door, turned, and went back to my seat as she came in.

“It’s about time, Reed, I...” she stopped as she stepped inside and was immediately engulfed by the darkness of the room. “My God, it’s so dark in here! And it’s stuffy. It smells.” She turned on a light, then went to the patio door and threw open the curtains. I recoiled from the light.

“It’s no good hiding, you’re going to have to face it,” she said, pointing at the traffic and people walking on the street below. “Life keeps going, whether you choose to or not.”

“Go away.”

“No way. I’ve finally gotten a foot in this stronghold, you think I’m going to retreat so quickly?” She made her way towards the kitchen, stopping to pet Sophia as she intercepted Michelle's course. The dog planted herself in front of Michelle and tried to soak up as much attention as possible, having been neglected and isolated in the apartment for so long.

Michelle looked at the bottles upon bottles littering the counter. “Been at this long?” she asked. I didn’t reply.

“Oh, and what’s with giving Devin the cold shoulder? He called me all worried that you’re on death watch or something. That’s why I came.” She knelt down again to scratch Sophia under her muzzle. The dog trusted so few people; any attempt to pet her anywhere near the mouth was risky.

She turned back to the bottles. Empties of Dewars, Johnnie Walker, J&B, and Chivas lined the counter. On top of them were various bottles of beer and club soda, making a clear view from the living room to the kitchen near impossible. Michelle started clearing the area.

“I don’t need a maid,” I said.

“Yes you do. And don’t insult me,” she responded. “The sink is full of dishes, the counter's cluttered with pots and pans and empty bottles. When was the last time you picked up anything?”

I shrugged.

“And when was the last time you’ve eaten?”

I shrugged again.

“Have you eaten?”

“Not much. Not lately. Just this.” I held up the half-filled glass.

She came around to look at me as I sat there in my t-shirt and jogging pants. “You’ve lost weight, I can see it in your face. The cheek bones show a little more. And you have black bags under your eyes.” She brought her hand to my face and ran it along the side of my jawbone. “This isn’t healthy. You should eat something.”

“Not hungry.”

“You can’t stay like this, Reed.” She went back into the kitchen and fished out a trash bag, filling it with the empty bottles. Afterward she rinsed the dishes and filled the dishwasher.

“There,” she said, turning the dishwasher cycle on, “you can empty that when it is done. It will give you something to do.”

She walked down the hall and assessed the damage in the rooms.

“Your bed is made,” she said when she returned.

“I haven’t been sleeping in it.”

“Where do you sleep?”

I pointed at the chair I was seated in. “I haven’t been really sleeping.”

Michelle stood in front of me and held out her hand.

“What?” I said.

“Come with me. You’re going to bed.”

“I’m not tired.”

“Stop fighting yourself,” she replied. Michelle pulled me up and led me down the hall to the bedroom. She pulled back the sheets and plopped me down in it. The dog immediately jumped on the bed and situated herself.

“You know,” Michelle began, smiling, “right about now you would have made some sort of crack about me trying to get you into bed.” She laughed.

I remained silent. She pursed her lips and went into the bathroom, returning with a cup of water.

“Here, these will help you sleep. I brought them from home,” she said, slipping the pill into my hand. “I’m only giving you half of one because of all the booze you have ingested. The two together will knock you out good.” I didn't want to take the cup. She forced it into my hand. “Please, you may have been neglecting the signs but your body needs this.” I swallowed the pill and followed it with the water. The fluid burned my throat. It had recently grown accustomed to only alcohol.

“Now rest,” she said. “I’ll check on you tomorrow. Or the next day.” She gave Sophia one last rub on the head and left.
__________________________________________________________________________________

“You haven’t answered the phone or returned my calls in a week. What is going on?” she asked, her voice filled with fright and concern.

“Nothing is going on Carolyn, absolutely nothing.”

“You’re a terrible liar. You’re drifting, I can hear it in your voice.”

“I just want to be left alone.”

She sighed into the phone. “You can’t hide behind a wall like this.”

I didn’t respond.

“Have you been sleeping?” she asked.

“No. Well, only after taking half a sleeping pill. That only got me six hours.”

“And before that?”

“I don’t know. An hour a night.” I paused. “Maybe.”

“This isn’t good Reed. Is there anybody you can go see?”

“No.”

“No there isn’t, or no you won’t?” she asked.

“Does it matter?”

“Of course! Everybody grieves, but this isn’t a healthy way of doing it, Reed. It’s destructive. You need to snap out of it and if you won’t do it yourself then somebody has to help you.”

“I don’t need anybody’s help,” I replied.

“Yes you do, and trying to push everybody away is just another sign of how bad it’s become.” She paused and I could hear her flipping through a book or something paper-bound. “I could be there in three days.”

“No. Don’t.”

“Yes. You need it. You are slipping away.”

"I’m not anything.”

“Yeah, that’s the problem,” she said. “Three days. I’ll be there. I’ll call for directions once I’ve landed.” Her voice became stern. “And when I call, don’t ignore me.”
__________________________________________________________________________________

This team was but one. Proud, defiant. Expeienced in navigating difficult terrain. With a fearlessness unseen in the previous groups, she boldly threw her rope into the abyss, and without waiting for the ropes to reach the bottom, began her descent into the cavern. Not taking note of the damage and where previous groups had come up short, she continued her drop into the depths, letting her light bounce randomly off walls as she made her way further and further down. In moments she reached the bottom, landing with a thud and quickly casting aside her ropes. She loosened the harness and let it drop to the floor, and then moved along the sides, feeling the cavern walls for a weak spot, a place where the walls might give and the materials beneath could be unearthed. When she found her mark she paused, and then retrieving a chisel and hand sledge from her belt, drove the spike hard, hitting its mark. It was only the first of many blows she would have to deliver to the hardened surface. The cavern began to shake, and she smiled in response. It was progress.